Will you sign this for me?

“Will you sign this for me?”

My shields went up.

“Are you a cop?” I joked.

Mostly joked.

I added a smile to make sure she knew it was a joke.

She took a step back.

Sometimes I forget my smile and snarl look almost alike.

“I saw you on tv,” she said and held out a book.

One of mine.

“I got it on Amazon,” she explained. “I wanted your autograph.”

My autograph?!?

I barely kept from looking around to see if she was talking to someone more famous behind me.

I saw this happen before.

Not to me, of course.

A lifetime ago, when I worked in LA, I hung out with Mark Wahlberg’s crew for a bit, which meant lunch with the artist formerly known as Markie Mark a couple of times.

Women would ask for his autograph all the time.

That made sense.

He was famous. Not as much as he is now, but back then, he had a couple of movies under his belt and a hit or two.

Plus they saw his Calvin’s.

I didn’t even have Calvin’s.  I lived more in the Jimmy Buffet school for undergarments.

So being asked for a signed copy of anything was new to me.

“To Who?” I asked.

“To Whom,” she corrected.

“Bitch, thanks for the grammar lesson,” I wrote.

Just joking. I wouldn’t say that out loud or scribble it in a copy of a book.

I don’t think.

I did snarl though.

She mistook it for a smile.

And now I give autographs.

It impressed the 7 year old and no one else.

But it did remind me that the holiday season is upon us.

So it you want a signed paperback shipped to you, let me know, and I’ll make it happen.

I’ll even make it nice and PC.

No matter how you correct me.

PS. I’m doing this early for the holidays so I have time to get them, ship, etc.  Hit me up on Facebook Messenger and let’s chat.